


Carry On

by Starofwinter



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, GFY, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 20:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8027032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starofwinter/pseuds/Starofwinter
Summary: Obi-Wan can't remember the last time he didn't feel this way.





	Carry On

Obi-Wan is tired.  He can’t remember a time when he  _ wasn’t _ tired, but the war has made it worse.  Sleep is a luxury, one he can rarely afford; he jokingly tells Counterstrike one day that he sometimes gets sent to the medbay just so he can get some sleep.  The Ghost Company medic hadn’t thought it was very amusing, and Obi-Wan makes a note to stop making quite so many self-deprecating jokes.  In his experience, it tends to draw too much attention, which is the opposite of what he wants to do.  He tries to catch a few hours of sleep when he can, but there is simply too much to do.  Between organizing a war, making sure his men are taken care of, and dealing with the Council, he can hardly afford the time necessary for a full night’s sleep - honestly, it would be selfish of him to do so at this point.  He simply pushes through the exhaustion, and no one notices the day he quietly trades his beloved tea for caff because he simply can’t function otherwise.

He mostly eats when he’s making sure Anakin or Ahsoka or Cody have.  It’s not that he’s choosing not to do so, it’s just another thing that gets passed by in favor of fighting, or work, or dealing with the exhaustion he feels every moment of the day.  If he does manage something, it’s quick and easy, and he doesn’t really taste it.  He’s stopped enjoying food, and he’s never sure if it’s because he can’t remember the last time he had a good cooked meal, or if it’s because the food, like everything else it seems, is gray and flat and lifeless.  He’s just  _ too tired _ to make sure he eats something on a regular basis, but he manages enough to keep himself on his feet, and he presses on.

“Do you have a death wish?” Cody asked him once, and Obi-Wan finds he still doesn’t have a proper answer for the question.  His immediate response had been a quick  _ no, of course not, I’m alright _ .  He isn’t so sure that’s the case, however.  He doesn’t  _ want _ to die, of course he doesn’t.  Not for his own sake, though, and he thinks that should perhaps concern him.  He lives because he has to.  The galaxy needs a Jedi Master.  The Order needs a Councilor.  The GAR needs a Jedi High General.  His men need a leader.  Anakin needs a brother.  Ahsoka needs a grand-Master.  There are beings who rely on him being there.  He can’t be selfish and let them down, even when he simply doesn’t  _ care _ anymore, when he’s too exhausted and too numb to everything to stay alive for his own sake, when he thinks that maybe, just maybe it would be a mercy if something took that choice out of his hands.  He cares about them, and so he keeps smiling and joking, offering advice and encouragement when he can.  He continues to exist, the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi inhabiting bones that have never been his to begin with.

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on my experiences with, for lack of a better word, functional depression, and over-identifying with one Obi-Wan Kenobi.


End file.
